How To Get Over Fear Of Approaching A Girl
How To Get Over Fear Of Approaching A Girl If you’ve ever seen a guy in a bar walk up to a girl he didn’t know and make out with her almost immediately, it can be a completely mind-blowing experience. It may seem like it’s magical or out of reach – a special ability or super-power that someone is born with.
But it’s not. And it can be broken down into a few simple steps you can follow in order to make the same thing happen for you. In this article, I’m going to break down those steps.
The first step is to realize that about 90% of the difference between someone who’s really good with women and someone who’s not so good or mediocre with women, is the ability to spot a woman who’s ready to make out.
I know it sounds kind of crazy at first, but it’s true. If you walk into a bar and go up to any woman without knowing what signs to look for, your odds of success go WAY down.
You must know how to spot that woman who’s already in this “make-out ready” state, so you can walk up and be “that guy.”
Don’t buy into the myth that women don’t want this to happen.
What You Need to Know About Women
Women are as sexual (if not more sexual) than guys are. Most of the time, this “turbo” make-out session never happens, because so many guys are afraid to go for it. And when this doesn’t happen, the girls end up going home alone or worse.. staying being kind of mean to a lot of guys in the bar/being resentful and angry because no one’s approaching them.
By putting this technique into practice, You want to discover how to see the women who you’re able to make out with in 40 seconds or less in the first place.
There are a few excellent indicators that will (especially in a bar atmosphere) tell you if a woman is game, or ready for an instant make-out session.
What to Lookout For How To Get Over Fear Of Approaching A Girl
The first indicator is a woman looking down often. When a woman looks down often, she is accessing her emotions.
Let me explain… When we look in different directions, we access different parts of our brain. These are called “Eye Accessing Cues.” When a woman is in a bar setting and looking down, she’s accessing her emotional brain.
If she makes eye contact with you, looks down then back up again, she’s saying: “I have an emotional response to you looking at me and I’m looking down.” And if she tilts her head down as well (and doesn’t just use her eyes to look down), she’s physically dropping herself a little bit lower and showing submission.
This gives you the ability to walk up and be the dominant man.
Now, if she looks at you, smiles and doesn’t look away, this could be a lot more difficult situation. Socially, she’s meeting you head on, and not showing immediate submission.
Women who you’re going to be able to walk up to and make out with in 40 seconds or less should automatically take the submissive role as a woman. That’s one quality which shows you’ll be able to quickly make out with her.
Another quality is that she’s actively looking around to make eye contact. This is crucial. A woman who is engaged with someone specifically and she’s not looking away is not going to be as easy to seduce in 40 seconds or less. It’s going to take much longer.
Again, you’re going to have to play a totally different kind of game when you walk up. You can’t just walk up and make out with her.
So instead, if you see a woman who is in a conversation but she’s constantly looking around and trying to make eye contact with a lot of people, this is probably a very, very likely opportunity for you and that’s a woman you can walk up to and immediately become sexual with.
Other traits are revealed in the way they’re moving and how they’re dressed. Let’s say she’s standing with her feet about shoulder-width apart. It’s less likely that a woman standing like this is going to be available for you to walk up and dominate. That’s because she’s standing in a dominant position, with stronger body language and she’ll probably be a lot more resistant.
Instead, you want to find a woman who takes up less space. She has her legs closer together and seems to be outside of a group, looking around a little bit.
Another thing is the way she’s dressed. If she’s dressed in a way that’s super flashy and attracting lots of attention, she probably isn’t the kind of girl you can walk up to and make out with in 40 seconds.
This kind of women is looking for attention – not for someone to dominate them. What you want is someone who’s in between “I don’t care” and “Stare at my tits, bitch!” Somewhere between wearing sweatpants with an elastic waistband to the bar and done up really, really beautiful and sexy with a really low-cut shirt. You want to find someone who’s in between those two extremes.
A lot of women who are on vacation fall into this realm. They don’t want to over dress or under dress, and don’t know how the bar atmosphere is going to be. They’ll usually come in open-minded, and start looking around trying to make connections. This is an excellent situation for you (and her, of course).
That’s what to look for and how you spot her in the first place. If you see some of those, you want to watch her for a second. If you think that she is the kind of person you can walk up to and do this, then proceed.
If not, I’d actually suggest you proceed anyway, just to see what happens.
Next, right after you get that done and you’ve seen your girl (there are probably three or four of these girls in a bar at any given moment) you’re going to walk up and start the scary part.
What You Need To Do
This is where the most powerful kind of frame control comes in. It’s very, very important that you understand how to control someone else’s frame if you want to come across like you’re a pro at this.
By “frame,” I basically mean their “reality.” You’re controlling what they experience. You have to be able to stay in control of that experience in order to really bring her to the level where she feels comfortable making out with you immediately.
I’m going to give you a very quick, punchy, fast way of doing this. I’ll explain as quick as possible; that way you can go straight out and try it…
Here’s what I would say, word-for-word… Walk up to a girl, when you get up to her and right when she makes eye contact with you, I want you to SLOWLY put your finger up by your lips and say this, “Shhh…”
Then slow your speech pattern down and deepen your vocal tonality. And immediately say, “Wait just one moment.”
You can also say, “Stop for one minute.” I suggest using a bit of NLP here. Whenever someone hears “stop,” “wait,” or “don’t,” they immediately register whatever comes after that.
So if I say, “Don’t think of a black cat,” what do you do? Immediately, you think of a black cat and whatever version of one you have in your head.
So if I said, “Don’t try to make out with me,” or “Don’t make out with me right now,” girls are going to be consciously hearing, “Don’t make out with me,” but their subconscious minds will be hearing, “Make out with me right now!”
You’re attempting to sort of use real-life Inception to get making-out with you to be HER idea. She should be thinking, “I should make out with this guy.”
Now, during frame control you’ll be using a lot of these subconscious triggers in order to get this to go as fast as possible. Please only use this for good. There are lots of evil ways to use this.
Don’t try to seduce women who don’t want to be seduced. Again, that’s one of the reasons why it’s important that you notice a woman who really does want to be seduced by a man.
So to recap so far: you walk up, you put your finger over your lips and you tell her to “Shhh” for a second and then you say a sentence that starts with “don’t” or “wait” or “stop.”
My typical is “Don’t worry… right now.” That’s all I say. And I slow that speech down – “Don’t…worry………. right now.”
Then I go right into the next statement, which is, “You and I are going to have a secret. We’re going to secretly kiss and no one will know.”
And as I’m saying this, I’m leaning in… and you’ll be doing the same when you do it. You’re leaning in ever… so… slowly. At the same time, you’re looking from her eyes down to her lips and back up to her eyes again.
This is called “Triangulating.” Count to three looking at her eyes, then look down to her lips and count to two, look back up and count to three, look down and count to two… etc. Do that about three or four times as you’re talking.
This can be a lot to remember, so you may want to practice it a little bit. I wouldn’t expect you’re going to get it perfect the first time.
So again, you say, “We’re going to have a secret. We’re going to kiss and no one is going to know.” From here on out, you’re really just filling up space with words as you’re leaning in so you’re still controlling the interaction.
So you’re going to very, very slowly, take your right or left hand – whichever one is more accessible – and reach around her back. You won’t pull her in toward you or anything yet, just touch her very lightly.
How To Get Over Fear Of Approaching A Girl
Signs That It’s Working
Is she looking at your lips? If she’s looking at your lips, you have a green light to go forward. If she’s looking at your eyes, you may want to wait a second, or turn around and turn back again and try it again.
This resets the meter in her mind, so to speak. When you turn around and turn back again, most people consider this to be a fresh start in a conversation. It’s a strange loop-hole in psychology.
For some reason, that’s how we are as humans. When someone turns away then turns back, we give them another chance moving forward. So if you’re getting some resistance, turn around, turn back, smile, and continue. If she gives you resistance again, you probably should back off and find another woman.
If she’s looking at your lips and seems to be very comfortable and excited, then proceed. You’ll move in very closely and speak almost directly into her ear.
Important To Note
In a loud environment like a bar, you’ll want to speak louder, but don’t raise your voice. Make your voice very low so that you have to be very, very close to her ear for her to hear.
Then you’re going to keep talking… What I usually say is, “No one is going to see this. It’s just going to be our little secret. I promise I won’t tell anybody only if you promise that you won’t tell anybody either.”
As I’m saying this into her ear, I make sure that she’s feeling my breath on her neck. So I’m sort of breathing out a little bit more than normal as I’m speaking so she can feel that hot air on her neck.
This usually gets a very visceral, deep, sexual response from women when you do this.
As you’re speaking really close to her ear, you’ll, very slowly, press your cheek against hers as you’re talking. Then you’ll move you head over so that your mouth is closer to hers, and then… you’ll start kissing her.
And if you do this right, you start out with just one soft peck… then go straight into making out. It may not seem like it in this description, but 40 seconds is a long time. This process can happen in a lot less than 40 seconds – I’ve done it in less time, and I’ve seen other guys do it, too.
What I want you to do is practice this approach. Maybe go for a minute or two at first, and then get to where you can do this in about 40 (or even 30) seconds.
You won’t use this tactic all the time. But when the opportunity is right, it’s really good to have this in your seduction arsenal. You want to make sure that you have the right kind of tools for the job, so to speak.
Whenever you see a girl who’s in that state and ready to be seduced, if you beat around the bush, engage in small talk or generally waste time, she’ll be turned off and you’ve lost a golden seduction opportunity.
Instead, when you spot this, you want to be able to see her, know that that’s what she wants, go in, and give it to her immediately. This is the major difference between guys who are rock stars at walking up and seducing a woman… and guys who wish that they were great at quickly seducing a woman.
There are a lot of other success factors as well. There are techniques on how to speak with the right tonality… how to touch her that allows her to feel comfortable and doesn’t turn off any of her weird alert switches… specific NLP triggers that you can use to connect and make sure she’s totally in your zone.
What’s taken me from a normal dude to a well-respected dating coach, is knowing a lot of short-cuts like this and knowing when to bring them out. And these short-cuts can also improve your game with women.
Remember these characteristics in women who want to be seduced, and remember – it is possible to make out with a woman in 40 seconds or less.
How To Get Over Fear Of Approaching A Girl